Sex-for-contracts: An account in clockwork orange nadsat

Sex-for-contracts - Clockwork Orange version

A little bit of the old in-out in-out

(Nadsat is a fictional slang used in A Clockwork Orange. See dictionary)

What’s it going to be then, eh?

There was him, that is ex-Central Narcotics Bureau director Ng Boon Gay, and there was her, that is star witness Ms Cecilia Sue, and they sat in the courtroom in this trial on corruption. For more than a week, we slooshied about the little friendship they had, and how the gazettas love it for what a horrorshow story this is turning out to be.

This sex-for-contracts case, O my brothers, has caught the attention of a malenky nation. Every day the lewdies, by the dozens, lined up to get into the public gallery to viddy a bit of the courtroom brouhaha. They were not disappointed when Sue took to the stands.

“Four times! Four times the director veck skvatted my litso to his pan-handle,” platched the pretty-faced dama, going boo hoo hoo. “But the veck was well-connected, so I got poogly and kept quiet and forgave him after all his appy polly loggies.”

There were gromky golosses in the public gallery as the audience got visibly excited ho ho ho and started whispering to one another haw haw haw. One goloss could be slooshied calling the chief a merzky baddiwad. Please, lewdies! Spare a messel for Ng’s poor zheena, standing by her veck through all these oozhassny revelations.

And there were more to come, my brothers, even a pregnancy scare! And then the tables were turned on Sue very skorry.

“What about your text messages – Do you DIY? You ignore me, how how how,” growled the defence counsel, before asking in a sarky tone, “Was there not a bit of the good old in-out-in-out between you two?”

She blubbed, “I had feelings for him but we were just droogs. There was never no lubbilubbing!”

After more jolly horrorshow grilling, the pitiful devotchka admitted she lied in her statement.

“I was fagged and confused when questioned by the CPIB”, she said, all humble mumble chumble. “And I was spoogy to testify against a chelloveck who has like real spanner influence.”

Now the defence lawyers want to see Sue impeached. No credibility, they skazatted. She could earn sammy pretty polly from winning the contracts. These contracts were not proposed by Ng and he had little reason to disapprove them. No reason why the veck should face time in the old Staja. Adultery maybe, but no corruption.

And so the trial continues.

What’s it going to be then, eh?

We shalt see, O my brothers, we shalt see.